Originally published on 09/24/24

Recently, First for Women had the chance to attend Meta’s exclusive launch of their new Instagram Teen Accounts on September 17, 2024, with actress Jessica Alba and author, developmental psychologist and podcaster Dr. Aliza Pressman serving as the spokespeople for the new social media app. 

Meta’s new Instagram Teen Accounts automatically enroll users into private profiles, helping protect teens from sensitive content and enhance online safety. They are doing this to help users under 16 verify their ages in an attempt to help fight the youth mental health crisis. 

During the event, Alba and Pressman discussed how they practice safe social media practices with their own children, when they think a kid should get their first phone and more.

Q: Who have been your parenting role models, and who do you look to for advice and support when things feel overwhelming?

Jessica Alba: I would say it’s my mom friends. We’ll get together and have a chat, have a glass of wine or a margarita, depending on the day, and we bounce things that we’re going through off each other. I have a six-year-old, a 13-year-old and a 16-year-old, so my kids are all at very different stages. My parenting tactics with each kid are very different, including the way that they manage their online presence and social media activity. 

Q: As a developmental psychologist, Dr. Pressman, what would you say to the parent who doesn’t know how to start that conversation about social media or screen time with their teen? Is there a way that you can encourage open, supportive dialogue?

Dr. Aliza Pressman: Take a breath and make sure you know how you feel so you’re not coming in hot. I think the best way to get things from your teens and your kids is to be curious, without judgmental curiosity. It’s not an agenda. It’s more like, “I want to know what’s going on, so tell me about what you’re seeing. Tell me about what I want to learn. Teach me how to get comfortable with this,” and then they open up a little bit more. 

Q: Jessica, you have a highly visible public profile. What advice and guidance have you passed on to your two teen girls as they’ve developed their presence? How do you model positive social media use and manage your own time online?

Jessica Alba: I think by building trust with your kid and having a dialogue. I have an interesting way of dealing with punishment. When she was around 10, my daughter downloaded a game for adults, so I sat her down and told her, “ I can choose your punishment, or you choose your punishment.”  She said, “I should lose my privileges to be on  on my device.” It lasted about three months. 

When it comes to screen time and modeling that behavior, I can say, “Get off your phone.” But if I’m on my phone, that’s not cool, and kids are going to be more impacted by what they see. So we make a point to spend quality time with the kids where we all set our phones down and commit to being present with one another. 

Q: Instagram’s new teen accounts can relieve parents of the burden and make them feel more confident. What else can parents do to establish the right boundaries with their teens so they can start building trust instead of constantly worrying about how their teens are using social media? 

Dr. P: I think the first thing is to pick times when phones are not part of our lives. Have a meal, or when you’re watching a movie together, make sure everybody’s not on other devices. They are going to push back. They should push back. You are not the only parent who is this strict, and it’s okay as long as your relationship isn’t compromised. Relationships are such a key feature of resilience and supporting our kids, and they’re the most important environmental influence on the kids. But I think when we see our kids being upset with us, we think that means that we don’t have a good relationship. But, if they feel safe enough to be upset with you, that means you have a great relationship. And if you feel safe enough to say, “I actually understand why you’re upset with me, and I’m also confident enough that this is my job,” you’re golden.

Q: So, when you take devices away in the evening, where do you put them? 

Dr. P: This is where you have to pay attention to your children’s temperament. If you have a sneaky type of kid, don’t put it in the kitchen.  If you have a super compliant kid, it’s fine; leave it in this main place in the house. Otherwise, find a spot that you know is not in your bedroom, because that’ll distract you. Put it in your closet or or your bathroom, because everybody knows they don’t have access to it. But I do think it requires knowing your kid’s temperament.

Q: Finally, when do you think it’s appropriate for a kid to have a phone and social media?

Dr. P: If your children believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the tooth fairy, they don’t need a phone that tells them anything. You also have to think about your community. It’s very hard to be the only kid in seventh grade who doesn’t have a device, but certainly nothing before then [FFW edit: some experts would argue not even until high school]. And I think we do need to remember that having a phone doesn’t mean having social media. So start with baby steps.

Link to original: https://www.firstforwomen.com/entertainment/celebrities/jessica-alba-on-keeping-her-kids-safe-on-social-media